📖NLP: The Essential Guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming

authors
Hoobyar, Tom
year
2013
  • 2 principles of NLP

    • there is no inner enemy
    • all actions are done with good intentions (i.e., you are trying to survive)
  • we all live in our own model of the world
  • kinds of thoughts:

    • pictures
    • sound
    • feeling (sensation)
    • tastes
    • smells
  • thinkers:

    • visual
    • auditory
    • kinesthetic (feeling)

      • slow and thorough thinking
  • memories change with each new recall
  • mental sticky notes (anchors)

    • something to remind us of other things
    • “I’ll do that tomorrow”
  • when we learn, we generalize
  • deletion: when mind ignores information
  • distortion: when mind focuses on specific thing
  • If it’s possible for one person to do it, it is possible for any person to do it. It’s only a question of “how”
  • outcome frame

    • we need to know the desired outcome first

      • achievable
      • appropriate
      • measurable
    • questions

      • 1. What specifically do you want?
      • 2. How will you know when you achieve what you want?
      • 3. Under what circumstances, where, when, and with whom, do you want to have this result?
      • 4. What stops you from having your desired outcome already?
      • 5. What resources will you need to help you create what you want?
      • 6. How are you going to get there — and what’s the first step to begin to achieve this result?
  • congruence and incongruence

    • incongruence — when you experience an internal conflict and don’t know what you want to do (you want to go, or you want to stay)
    • In NLP being in zone (or in Flow) is being congruent
    • “When you fight with yourself, you tend to lose”
    • Instead of fighting yourself, it is better to detect when you are incongruent and resolve the conflict
  • associated/disassociated experience

    • associated experience — you’re inside

      • more intense
      • do not use for bad memories
    • disassociated — when you’re outside of experience

      • you still get most of the information, but not the emotional impact
  • modalities — senses
  • submodalities — subtle differences in our senses (e.g., images could be big/small, bright/dim, or sharp/fuzzy)

    • submodalities are “molecules of meaning”
    • increasing image brightness usually increase good feelings
  • Depression problem (3Ps of depression):

    • personal — happens only to me
    • pervasive — no matter where we are
    • permanent — forever
  • feeling and emotions are optional
  • ask yourself every day:

    • 1. What am I looking forward to today?
    • 2. Long term, what am I looking forward to?
    • 3. Am I doing things that lead directly to my goals?
    • 4. Am I being my best friend and supporter?
    • 5. Am I in my body and enjoying the gift of being alive?
  • Energy improvement

    • deep breath (breathe into it)
    • hydrate your system and your brain (drink pure water)
    • break tasks into small bites (e.g., pomodoro)
    • notice and reduce resistence
  • Eye movement integration (to reduce resistence)

    • draw infinity
    • draw circle
    • retry this (not sure if it worked for me first time)
  • Keep a list of your Greatest Hits—things you’ve done that make you feel good about yourself. Revisit in associative way if you feel down.
  • 4 habits (of Navy seals)

    • focus on right now (short-term goals). do job directly in front of you
    • imagine how good it will feel
    • when all else fails, breathe deeply (6-2-6, in-hold-out)
    • cheer yourself on
  • Improving communications

    • 3 questions to ask to improve my communication (keep, remove, add)

      • what do you like about communicating with me? what one thing would you keep?
      • what you don’t like? what one thing you want me to stop doing?
      • how do you think I could improve? what one thing I could add?
    • See answers at How I Could Improve My Communications
  • Perceptual positions:

    • self
    • other
    • observer
  • GGNEE—first things we notice in other people

    • gender, generation (age), nationality, education, emotions
    • notice this and do not allow stereotypes influence your relationship
  • Think of other people who are good company. What are their traits?
  • To make someone comfortable, we must ourselves be comfortable
  • Mirroring is not mimicking
  • Try longer eye contact (gaze)
  • To be interesting, be interested.

    • Try approaching other people with interest. Everyone is interesting. Try discovering as much information as possible without asking directly “hey, what are interesting for?”
    • Ask questions. Try guessing—person either agree or correct and provide more information. Try guessing emotions, or how they feel about something.
  • 5 steps to calm someone down__

    • 1. Confirm an emotion: “I got this feeling that you are angry. I that true?”
    • 2. Gauge how big it is for them and allow them to vent. “How upset are you?”

      • When people are angry (or experience negative emotions toward you), ask how they feel. It doesn’t matter how they respond. What matters is that you give them a pass to vent
    • 3. “What needs to happens for you to feel better?”
    • 4. “What part can I play in making that happen?”
    • 5. “What part can you play in making that happen?”
  • You don’t have to be interested in that what other person is interested in. But you can be interested in their interest.
  • Maintain space requirements
  • Look at how other people communicate and what nonverbal signals they use
  • People Place Information Activities Things
  • Touch more
  • Chapter 7 — write out 9 recommendations
  • Reframe — hear what others say and redirect into more positive
  • When people express a generic complaint (e.g., I am bad at …), try to understand how they experience it.

    • It’s useful to drive them to the last time they experienced it.

      • “When was the last time you experienced it?,” then ask what they experienced. (That will help them remember more clearly.)
  • People’s outfit supports their story of themselves. You can ask about specific aspects to get to know how they feel about it.
  • Switch between me/you/other perspectives to get a full picture of a situation.
  • Toxic people are people who do not have you-perspective.

    • It’s usually not worth spending much of your time on them. Move them away from your life or accept they will never change.
  • Tell stories.

    • Listener instinctively associates with the protagonist and can’t help but experience what you’re telling. They will hear your point even if they don’t want to listen to it.

TODO Write out meta programs (NLP)

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